He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
