My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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