I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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