well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So vagazzling was a success
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
