i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
