wanna go halves on a baby?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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