well you can't waste a boner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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