i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
