thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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