I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
