Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
