Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize