My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He better not be in your backpack
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
