"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize