You're my little dorito
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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