oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
