I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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