okay pat passed out under dana's car
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
