South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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