Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
