ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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