Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
