You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
