Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
