Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize