He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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