I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
