He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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