Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
