What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Congratulations! We have a period
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
