He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
