i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
