I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
