I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
