I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
