How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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