I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize