You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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