Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
