She's JV to your varsity
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
