I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
