He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
