I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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