Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
