i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
