i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
