I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
