she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
