this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
