I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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