Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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