Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
