i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
