Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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