Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
