All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
