so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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