I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
