it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
