so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Holy sore nipples Batman
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How naked do you want me to be?
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