I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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