Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
