Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
