it wasn't lemon gatorade
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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