you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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