I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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