Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize