i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
