You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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