Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize