I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize