I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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