Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
