That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
