we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
