i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
