you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
